Thursday, April 16, 2009

Bittersweet

Well, I knew this time would come, but I was never sure how I would feel about it. I've decided that I am okay with it. It's now been several weeks, but Lucian has finally weaned himself.

Boy, what an affirmation!

I can't really, truly remember the last time he nursed and a friend told me that would happen so that helped prepare me. I'm kind of glad there wasn't really a significant "last supper" so to speak. Actually, it would have been more of a "last breakfast" since he gave up the night sessions long ago. Even then, towards the end, it was more of a comfort thing anyhow. I mean, have you seen my son? He doesn't exactly look malnourished!

I'm just glad overall. It's very, very bittersweet, but overall, it just feels right to me and us and that's the most important part.

A week or so ago I retired my breast feeding ticker that used to adorn the bottom of this blog. It made me a little sad to remove it, but it was time. I've accepted it as another milestone in our lives.
I love these little tickers, so perhaps I'll find some new ones for Lucian and the baby.

Some other time perhaps I'll go into more detail about the struggles I had with breastfeeding in the beginning in hopes that it might help someone else. Or maybe just to remind myself how far I came in case I need some encouragement in the future. I might even do a "gadget review" of my trusty breast pump if I get up the nerve.

It was an incredible challenge, but one that I feel was a major triumph for me. I'm keeping the attitude that it can only get better the next time and I'm determined to do it again, but also accept it if this next child doesn't nurse for as long as Lucian did. (Or longer if necessary.)

When we went to the OB for the initial blood tests to confirm the pregnancy, Lucian was still nursing, but very occasionally. One of the first questions I asked the RN was about breastfeeding (if even only for comfort) while pregnant. She said it was perfectly fine up till 20 weeks and by then I would have to wean him because nipple stimulation causes a release in Prolactin which could bring on pre-term labor. Aren't you glad you know that now?

So, I kept that in mind for the next week or so, but gradually, he just stopped asking every morning. He let me down easy and I'm soooooo grateful! Even still, very rarely, he will put on a funny face as if to be playful and tell me he wants "mlauk" – which is his "pet name" for it. I have no idea why he picked that word, but he made it up as a way to differentiate between cow's milk and "boobay juices of luv" – which was my pet name for it – affectionately.

I've seen some TV stories of women who extended breastfeeding and – while I'm sort of in that "camp" because we went past two years – I thought it was silly that they had nicknames for breastfeeding. That was, silly until I realized that we were doing that too!! Now it doesn't seem silly any more – it's just the way it is and why bother feeling weird about it!

Well, that's a little update on some of the transitions I'm going through. I have more, but I'm trying to do shorter, more frequent posting. Plus I'm a bit hormonal so I try to think before I post more.

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